Trump Sues Eighty-one Million Voters for Banning Him from White Home
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Claiming that he has been “handled very unfairly,” Donald Trump is suing eighty-one million American voters for banning him from the White Home.
“This was all a part of a Huge Tech conspiracy,” he mentioned. “Many of those eighty-one million folks had been customers of Fb, Twitter, and TicketyTock.”
Trump referred to as the choice by eighty-one million folks to ban him from the White Home “a nasty factor. A really dangerous factor.”
“This could imply that it’s as much as thousands and thousands of People to determine who will get to make use of the White Home and who doesn’t,” he mentioned. “This could by no means be allowed to occur on this nation.”
The lawsuit was delayed for a number of weeks, sources mentioned, whereas Trump sought to find out which, if any, of his attorneys nonetheless had a legislation license.
Extra Satire from the Borowitz Report
G.O.P. claims Biden is artificially inflating his job-approval score by displaying competence.
Hundreds of thousands ask Fb to ban their family members.
Biden declares plan to chop Carlson emissions.
Rand Paul says the key to social distancing is to make everybody despise you.
Republicans accuse Liz Cheney of studying the Structure.
Get the Borowitz Report in your in-box. Join the e-newsletter.